Archive for the ‘Nonsense’ Category

James Murdoch resigns as head of own household

Former News International and BskyB chairman James Murdoch has been forced to step down as the head of his own household.

The announcement follows an uncomfortable investigation by his wife into who left some washing up undone on Saturday evening.

Murdoch and his media-mogul father, Rupert, were forced to attend a tribunal including James’ wife and children, but no-one was found guilty as everyone lied about everything so no-one even knew what was going on by the end of it.

Murdoch’s resignation means his wife will become head of the household, although he will stay on the board, along with his children.

Rupert will only be involved in an executive role by occasionally tapping the family’s phones.


Murdoch kitchen scandal

Dishing it out

James issued a statement: “It remains unclear who left the dishes dirty on Saturday but I’m pointing my finger at senior editorial staff who used to work for the “News of the World”.

“I had no knowledge of there being dirty dishes, nor did I receive any communication from my wife making me aware of the problem.

“I’m taking this step because I don’t want my family’s image tainted by allegations that an undisclosed amount of washing up was left undone at some point in the distant past.”


“Strauss-Kahn tried it on with me too,” insists Merkel

Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s reputation has taken a killer blow after Angela Merkel added her name to the everlasting list of women who claim he has tried to seduce them.

The German Chancellor revealed that the Frenchman made his move after a long and stimulating meeting discussing possible methods of fiscal stimulus for the Eurozone ran late in 2010.

“Everyone else went to bed and he immediately started acting differently,” Merkel explained.

Focused on economic growth

“He was talking a lot about his ‘special rescue package’ so I said I felt a migraine coming on.

“I told him he had more chance of solving the Greek debt crisis.”

Strauss-Kahn’s legal army were quick to refute the latest claims about their lucrative client.

One lawyer said, “Mr Strauss-Kahn categorically denies he implicitly approached Angela Merkel.

“He was actually rather blunt and explicit about his intentions.

“His political career was over a long time ago so his best shot seems to be as a late-blooming porn star, and why not?

“He’ll probably end up more popular than if he’d carried on with the IMF.”

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